Ecological Clock

tick   tick   tick

the environment is much better at keeping time than I am (even if I had a digital satellite watch... or something)

8:43pm - the dog choir has begun and I can pop in my earplugs and hit the pillow (if I haven't already).

5:30am - front bell is gong-ed (who needs an alarm? - likely no one in the neighbourhood)

6:28am - sun is rising in the middle of the morning yoga session (beautiful hazy eyes of the sky opening up to cast golden grey light over the top of the valley and colouring most of the clouds thick blue or subtle purple)

6:29am - wind starts HOWLING (for those of you in Southern Alberta think, a slightly more than normally windy day)

7:10am - we are doing sun salutations to the sun rise. The yellowy orange light is washing over the hills and you can start to distinguish the pinks of the rooftop, yellow of the walls and the tones of green in the trees.

8:01am - the sun is more then light. There is now warmth!

9:20am - Pigeons on the metal roof. Our class room/yoga studio is on the top floor and by now the silent meditation for class is over and the birds know it.

I should probably just throw my alarm clock out the window and focus on the wisdom of this natural cycle. It's even part of the yoga philosophy we are learning about... and validates my life-long reasoning that in Canadian winters "business hours" (and school hours and "anyone expects anything from Lyndia hours") should be limited to the hours of 10am-3pm. Which will now, officially, be a part of my life philosophy.

Peak Experiences

We are talking about and hearing about all kinds of amazing things and then practicing it in a variety of ways. The other day in one of the classes we were asked to share one of our "Peak Experiences" when we were connected and content and totally present and joyful in all ways. Hmmm... that's a tough-y. Not tough to determine whether or not this has happened to me... I think I've been pretty fortunate in that way, but tough to think of, explain and to do so in the next two minutes.

So my partner went first and shared a theme of experience she's had related to different meditative treatments like Reiki or massage. Hmm, good one. I can think of a few of those, but maybe there's something else... and then it hits me, or they hit me. Times when I've been writing and the time has been a blur and upon re-reading the words don't even seem familiar... but it was so totally amazing! It happened once in the Poem A Day thing I did this past November. I had a poem on my iPhone (who I miss right now but not as much as I expected... don't tell her I said that) and then in had it's first spectacular crash and I lots it. It was good. Dang it. It had been quite good... something about people talking in foreign languages... things I didn't know anything about and all the more sounded beautiful. Pretty good poem topics: language, beauty, people on a commuter train. You know.

But it was (is) lost forever. So I came up with a new one. I was a bit perturbed and it took a few minutes to find a pen and piece of paper and I came up with a line unexpectedly. Then another and another... they kept flowing together in both metre and theme and it was all stuff I knew I'd felt before but didn't ever think of poet-ing about. Then it was done and I posted it on my blog and went to bed.

About a week later I saw someone commented on it and said it was great. I re-read it and thought "I wrote this?" But it was so me that I knew I had but at the same time so not-mine that all I could do was be impressed. Not with me but with the world and the way things work and whole creative process... Peak Experience.

So I am making a list... I will include some "Lesser Peak Experiences" too because they are great to reflect on as well. The times when you don't feel exactly TOTAL BLISS but you are quite happy with life. For instance, today at lunch I offered to serve the rice. We haven't been told anything specific about serving but one of my other co-students did it at breakfast and I thought "holy awesome! I want to help too!!" So I did. And it was fun. Sure it was nice and karmic and "right" but it was also really fun.

After the meal I was on a roll and decided to throw out my candy-crutch (the sweets I brought from home as a sorry excuse for "comfort food" aka "sugar addiction"). I counted out all 43 (remaining) M&Ms from my trail mix and tossed them. Yes! Chalk it up! Then I looked around my dorm room and out the window, listened to people in the hallway making plans to go out together on our afternoon break and felt the antithesis of a Peak Experience... probably called a Self-Pitying-Bummer Moment (but don't quote me). I felt so guilty and awful for not being out there, doing things and being fun. Ugh. I hated it. It was an awful moment... and my candy-coated escape hatch had been flushed (not literally, the septic system is too delicate for TP let alone the shell that melts in your mouth and not in your hands.. or Smarties? Whatever.) I was stuck. I was boring. I was afraid of not being social enough and not making friends and then being left behind and then being stuck and then being trapped... and so I took a breath, opened the dorm-room door to the balcony and looked at the hills. Birds singing, cows mooing. The sun! The trees! The beautiful orange flowers! I felt content. In an instant: Contentment. Like *that*

The list of (almost) Peak Experiences continues. *phew*

Freedom from Freedom

Arrrrgh!

The finicky, philosophical, linguistically-anal Lyndia is arching her back over this one... Freedom?! I AM free! Free to go to India. Free to work or go back to school. Free to (hypothetically, of course) break my lease and move out of my apartment. Freedom. Yes, I've got it.

But then the other aspects creep in... Free to shop at any discount store I want? Free to eat cake for breakfast? Free to hurt someone's feelings. Free to own a firearm?! Gak! That's not right... but it's somehow all the same. But not the same at all. I didn't come to study yoga for a month to reconcile my freedom to choose shampoo brand or something.

This morning I felt something different. Yesterday in the yoga philosophy class (daily at 9am) it was a whole new word. Different Freedom. A kind of Freedom I can't say I really have. It is more the Freedom to be connected, Freedom to be in awe, Freedom to wonder, Freedom to be fearless and Freedom to relinquish control. Yes, that's the Freedom I'm searching for. That's what I want to work towards... capital "F" freedom.
The new and improved F-word.

Joyful

On the spectrum of Too Allowing and Too Effortful I am sure I fall smack dab in the furthest corner of "Too Effortful." Maybe not the last 8 months of my life but pretty much every day from 7 years old until then. I like to try too hard. I need like to be perfect. For goodness sake, I am currently reading a book called Intuition and taking notes and looking for practical exercises so I can 'try it.' Yes, Too Effortful. But Too Allowing isn't good either. Neither is "right" because neither is joyful. We were looking at some of these ideas today in Yogic Philosophy class and it really struck me.

Yesterday at the end of Techniques class (where we look at the way to teach the physical yoga poses that most Westerners consider the whole of yoga) our Yogi host, Vishvaji said, "now who wants to have fun?" We looked at each other and then cheered "Yes!" This could be anything from a session of Laughing Yoga to a fairly intense abdomen strengthening exercise (it's some kind of twisted yoga humour that sets up the most difficult poses as "fun" but in reality the change of attitude towards them makes a huge difference, but I digress) today we had to clear away our books and blankets and mats... odd. We divided into two groups and were told that we were going to play a game: MOUNTAIN TAG!

Yes, we played tag, with an audience of the other half of our class (because of space restrictions). Basically like Frozen Tag but assuming a yoga pose (like down-facing dog, called Mountain Pose in this school of yoga) and then a team mate had to crawl or slide under you to un-freeze you. SWEET! And the power had just gone out (brown-outs are commonplace here) so it was a dusk-time Mountain Tag where you couldn't quite make out who was chasing you and who was just running away with you. It was hilariously fun! And we even got applase from the spectators when the bell rang and our time was up.

I am sooooo into teaching a kid's yoga class when I get back because I will bust out all the yoga tag I can think of! Okay, I lied. I am going to do this with any group of people who will allow me to suggest it. Be careful groups of family/friends/strangers-in-public-places/transit-riders-waiting-for-the-train of four or more... be very very careful. Lyndia has just learned a new game!

Unwind your Expectations

Something I learned the other day...

twisting and stretching in the early (cold) morning: unwind your expectations.

- From the metal-divided-dinner plates with curry lentils, fresh root vegetables and fresh chapti bread to hilly hikes to a lovely waterfall

- From the necessity of sleeping in sweaters and socks* to going to bed at 7:45pm

- From 3-person dorm rooms to 90% recycling/composting

- From the Himalayan women's cooperative where I bought my shawl to the litters of stray puppies around the corner

- From my mind-bogglingly low capacity to do currency exchange to the sheer beauty of foggy mountains and bright orange blossoms

- From 6am laughing yoga and chanting before dinner...

I'm never really in control. I never really know what to expect. And I think I love it.

*yes it's India... but it's also January. And the mountains. And buildings here have about as much insulation as your average tool shed... so windy and 6 degrees = really stinkin cold!